Top Five Reasons Star Trek 90210: The Hills Blew All 12 Kinds Of Ass
Okay I know it says 5 reasons, but as I was typing them out...more came to mind.
8) No Star Trek music thematics in the whole movie except for the end? The music of Star Trek is just as identifiable as the Starship Enterprise itself.
7) Since when does the engine room of a futuristic starship look like a cross between the engine room of the Titanic and a beer brewery??
6) Catch phrases. Everyone just had to get their character's catch phrase in. These often seemed rushed and didn't just didn't seem to fit where they were thrown in.
5) Young Kirk driving a corvette. I had problems with this even from the first trailer. Sure he was rebelling, from whom I can only assume is his step-father, but do you think a 10 year old REALLY knows how to drive a stick!?! Especially on an antique sports car??
4) No classic Kirk speech patterns. Sure it's something that is made fun of, Shattners....use....of pauses.....in....the......original series....for...dramatic....effect. But this is the young version of that same character. Are we supposed to believe that he just gained that way of speaking later in life? And what the hell was with the lack of the classic Kirk neck chop!?! Every time he was in a bear hug you'd get a double-handed chop to the neck. Guess not in this movie.
3) Spock and Uhura? What the ****? When was that even HINTED at in the original series. It was a useless subplot and didn't need to be there in the slightest.
2) They are all 3 year cadets when they "go off to war", and then just like that Kirk is made a captain? This may be the future and all, but it is still a military and NO ONE is promoted from cadet right to Captain (even if the Captain of the ship made you a senior officer abord his ship).
1) Time travel. Just a cleaver....ummmm I mean bullshit way to effectively rewrite (and then ignore) the whole history of Star Trek....all to reboot the franchise and make it pallitiple for 14 year old girls. This is just lazy writing. You want to reboot the franchise? Fine, do a reboot! But no need to bring a time travel element into it that will pretty much wipe away everything that has been Star Trek for the past 30 years.
And all this is coming from someone who doesn't consider himself a huge Star Trek fan.