What Did Spider-Man DO??

Every now and then you hear about a comic book sales-boosting stunt that is such an obviously bad idea you want to rush into the company’s headquarters and holler “STOP.” You know it’s going to end badly for everyone involved, but you don’t really have the power to prevent it, so all you can do is watch the train derail. Marvel’s new announcement today about an upcoming Spider-Man story is one of these moments.

Marvel rebooted Amazing Spider-Man for the billionth time with a new #1 in 2021 and a new writer, Zeb Wells. The situation he cooked up is that everyone hates Spider-Man. I mean more than usual. MJ won’t hug him. Ms. Marvel won’t fangirl over him. Not even Aunt May is talking to him. He has no allies, with the weird exceptions of Black Cat and NORMAN OSBORN (yes, that Norman Osborn). Why are his friends now his enemies, and his enemies his friends? Because of some unspecified thing he did in the recent past, that Marvel won’t reveal UNTIL NOW.

Marvel says in ASM #26 you’ll find out what Spider-Man did. And it’s supposed to be “the most shocking issue of Amazing Spider-Man in 50 years!” This book is 60 years old, so it has to be something more shocking than anything printed from 1973 until now, but not as shocking as anything from 1962 through 1972.

First thing. Spider-Man’s friends have stuck with him through a lot. Though their tolerance levels depend on who’s writing the story, Spidey has generally been a force for GOOD so many times, and saved their bacon in so many instances, that their suddenly turning on him due to ONE thing he did (discounting all the good things he’s done before that point) feels unrealistic. This means if the uncovered act isn’t suitably outrageous, everyone will be acting out of character.

But if it IS that outrageous, does anyone want to see Spider-Man do it? Definitely not. This is a bad story idea no matter how you approach it. Let’s examine the possibilities here. Maybe Spider-Man….

Failed To Prevent A Big Tragedy: There is nothing new or shocking about Spider-Man failing to prevent something. If it’s this, it will be a big reach and every reader will be mad.

Killed Somebody: We mean on purpose. If Spider-Man deliberately committed murder, that would certainly make for a shocking issue, but it would contradict every single issue that came before it. This would also be a derailment of his character for the sake of shock and some temporary larger sales numbers, meaning every reader will be mad (and more rightfully so this time).

Killed A Whole Lot Of People: A combination of #1 and #2. We have no idea why Spider-Man would deliberately blow up a bridge or set a building on fire. Maybe blackmail? But blackmail is something May and MJ would understand and forgive. So it can’t be that. That means Spider-Man commits mass murder for the sake of it — which makes absolutely no sense but why not; how else are you going to get people to buy your book.

Got Cancelled On Twitter: This one is being thrown around as kind of a joke, but it makes more sense than any other explanation. The media found a distasteful joke that Spider-Man made on his official Twitter account twelve years ago. Spidey tries to explain, “I was a different man then!” but the finger-pointing and shaming is just too loud to stop. No one else wants to be associated with him anymore out of fear of being cancelled themselves. The exception is Osborn, the only one who finds the joke funny and says “Maybe I’ve been misjudging you, let’s bury the hatchet. Hey, I’ve got a few jokes of my own…”

The “Shocking Reveal” Is A Misdirect: Can’t leave out this possibility, because it’s one of the oldest in the book. If it’s all a trick, that leaves open Comic Cliche #2: they will then pull an ACTUAL “shock” in the form of abruptly killing off a beloved character (and the promo art suggests MJ, which makes us sick). This is something nobody pays attention to anymore because no one ever dies forever in comics. MJ has been dead before.

Whichever of these it is, we can be sure of one thing: the issue won’t be good. Spider-Man #26 will be released this May.