I need a different point of view on this

[Keith Justice]

She's fucking with you mate and not in a good way. If she's scrogging other dudes while keeping you at arms length it's up to you if you wanna keep going on with it or not.

 

[Ragna "D" BloodEdge]

This is so messed up...I say get out of this now before it gets worse. And make no mistake, it WILL get worse.

 

[FangireQueen]

....Wait, so girls kiss their brother's now? :sly:

I kiss my brothers on the cheek, then again i'm really close with them.

but..

To step in here as a female, I think I can see what's going on. You are safe. That can be good or bad, but for sake of discussion, you are "safe". You are not a guy she can just bang-n-dash. Chances are she's going through a polyamorous (wanting to be with multiple people. Polygamist marries more than one person) phase. Most girls do, just few act on it. Chances are her parents have a polyamorous mindset when it comes to her as just "part of growing up". You are the comfort, the sure thing, the guy who won't hurt her, the "safe" one.

Now, when you're impatient, being "safe" can be annoying. But look at it this way... she holds you in a higher regard. She is playing around with guys that she can just tap and not think too much about. To not let you "get that" or reciprocate your feelings means that she doesn't view you in the same way as her other "toys". She doesn't want you to wait forever for her because she may also date around a bit first before "settling down". She'll feel guilty if you're just doing nothing but waiting while she has her crazy phase. In keeping you as a friend and cuddling with you, you can KNOW that she cares about you. And she DEFINITELY cares about you to hold you in a higher regard than a guy she can just mess around with.

Just be her friend and know that she cares about you. But stop pushing the issue of feelings with her. She obviously cares but is not ready to be with you yet. If you push it with things like making her choose (which is TERRIBLE advice btw) then you can push her away and lose her as a friend forever. If you're cool with destroying your relationship with her, then listen to what the guys tell you. I'm just giving the girl's perspective *shrug*

EDIT: Though to throw it in there, if the hugging/kissing/cuddling makes you uncomfortable due to her other behaviors, then just talk that out with her. Tell her it makes you uncomfortable since she's dating around. A proper girl will respect that, if she doesn't, then yeh get the hell outta there

 

[Vash the Stampede]

Hey, she made it clear that she's not looking for a relationship, so I don't really see the problem here.

 

[Forgotten Transformation]

I kiss my brothers on the cheek, then again i'm really close with them.

but..

To step in here as a female, I think I can see what's going on. You are safe. That can be good or bad, but for sake of discussion, you are "safe". You are not a guy she can just bang-n-dash. Chances are she's going through a polyamorous (wanting to be with multiple people. Polygamist marries more than one person) phase. Most girls do, just few act on it. Chances are her parents have a polyamorous mindset when it comes to her as just "part of growing up". You are the comfort, the sure thing, the guy who won't hurt her, the "safe" one.

Now, when you're impatient, being "safe" can be annoying. But look at it this way... she holds you in a higher regard. She is playing around with guys that she can just tap and not think too much about. To not let you "get that" or reciprocate your feelings means that she doesn't view you in the same way as her other "toys". She doesn't want you to wait forever for her because she may also date around a bit first before "settling down". She'll feel guilty if you're just doing nothing but waiting while she has her crazy phase. In keeping you as a friend and cuddling with you, you can KNOW that she cares about you. And she DEFINITELY cares about you to hold you in a higher regard than a guy she can just mess around with.

Just be her friend and know that she cares about you. But stop pushing the issue of feelings with her. She obviously cares but is not ready to be with you yet. If you push it with things like making her choose (which is TERRIBLE advice btw) then you can push her away and lose her as a friend forever. If you're cool with destroying your relationship with her, then listen to what the guys tell you. I'm just giving the girl's perspective *shrug*

EDIT: Though to throw it in there, if the hugging/kissing/cuddling makes you uncomfortable due to her other behaviors, then just talk that out with her. Tell her it makes you uncomfortable since she's dating around. A proper girl will respect that, if she doesn't, then yeh get the hell outta there

Ok, thanks that... actually kinda made me feel better hahah :thumbs:
and as I said before, the cuddling/hugging/kissing just feels sooooo right, its very odd. like it is very comfortable and natural to do so. the only time I ever feel uncomfortable around her is if she is talking to another guy in front of me and that's it.

hmmm :hmmk do you think I should wait it out OR try going for a few diff girls first and possibly miss my opportunity :eyebrow:.... although Im not too fond of the latter cause I was brought up with the idea of (at very most) one guy and one girl... er I mean one and one... I mean... gah you get what I mean anyway, *sigh* this is just a VERY strange experience.... Ugh

and I really do appreciate all the advice you guys are giving me, it really does help :thumbs:

 

[Tenraisenpuujin]

Have you seen How I Met Your Mother? Because the episode "Hooked" sounds awfully familiar right about now. Like, eerily familiar. Please, take a sec to read the ep description, or better yet, track it down online and watch it. Go on, I'll wait.

Done? Good.

Speaking from years of experience, do not get your hopes up. Being the Emergency Backup Guy NEVER translates into boyfriendhood. My advice? Be a friend to her; being a close friend is fine, but ONLY a friend. Back off on the affection. (As FQ said, if she's not cool with that, run don't walk; she's using you.) It's a fine line to walk, but do NOT get emotionally invested in her while she goes out and bangs other guys. Above all, get out there and date other girls. Get her out of your headspace, find and pursue other options, and put her out of your mind as a romantic partner. Easier said than done, I know, but the more you let her use you as Emergency Backup Guy, the less she will end up respecting you, and the less likely it is that she will see you as actual boyfriend material. Build your self-confidence and your assertiveness and you will be rewarded; maybe not by her, but by someone.

Good luck, kid.

 

[FangireQueen]

Ok, thanks that... actually kinda made me feel better hahah :thumbs:
and as I said before, the cuddling/hugging/kissing just feels sooooo right, its very odd. like it is very comfortable and natural to do so. the only time I ever feel uncomfortable around her is if she is talking to another guy in front of me and that's it.

hmmm :hmmk do you think I should wait it out OR try going for a few diff girls first and possibly miss my opportunity :eyebrow:.... although Im not too fond of the latter cause I was brought up with the idea of (at very most) one guy and one girl... er I mean one and one... I mean... gah you get what I mean anyway, *sigh* this is just a VERY strange experience.... Ugh

and I really do appreciate all the advice you guys are giving me, it really does help :thumbs:

You NEED to get out and date hun. You are indeed a guy she cares for and holds above her "toys", however, that doesn't mean you definitely do have a future with her. It's not healthy to just wait around, and if all you do is wait around then she will read into that and probably be creeped out. At least just find a nice girl that definitely wants to be with you NOW and enjoy yourself. Don't take it all too seriously, but still be friends with the other girl. And if you do get a girlfriend, then you need to tell her to back off on the affection. No matter how natural it feels, you shouldn't do it if you have a girlfriend. Who knows you may find a girl much better than the one you're with. I don't think this girl is trashy or anything OR a user (just from your base story of course). I think she's in her "wild" phase that just about every girl has. She'll come out of it eventually(hopefully), but you by no means should be holding your breath.

 

[KouAidou]

The trouble is, everyone here can project their own experiences on why this girl is acting the way she is, but none of us can really know the reason. So you have to concentrate on your own feelings.

Have you dated much before this? Does the kissing/cuddling just plain not feel "right" with other girls? Or is it simply that the act of cuddling with anyone feels good, and you haven't had a lot of it before?

Try to imagine how you will feel if you stay in the relationship as it is.

Situation 1: A year goes by and she makes no decision. She's still sleeping with another guy and sticking in the "cuddle-zone" with you. Are you feeling frustrated, or is she still worth waiting for?

Situation 2: A year goes by. She decides she wants to be exclusive, but not with you. You are dumped. Will you feel like the time with her has been wasted, or was it a good experience to have had?

Situation 3: A year goes by. She decides she wants to be exclusive, and with you! Are you incredibly overjoyed to finally have her to yourself? Or will you always feel "uncomfortable" when you see her talking to other guys?

And the same questions apply if you start dating other girls in the meantime. Can you conceive of a girl you like more than her? Ask yourself if dating multiples is something you really can do, or if you'll never be able to take another girl seriously because this is the one you're waiting for.

Ultimately you have to follow how you feel on this. Don't compromise your personal integrity, or your desires, just because of societal expectations about how dating "should" happen -- on either side of the prude/poly spectrum.

 

[MaraJade]

You should ask yourself this: are you willing to be just the "backup guy"? No? Then I think you should talk to to her about how willing she is to commit seriously. If she balks, I'd walk out. And seriously, IMO, do you really want to stick around a person who doesn't commit and is all right with sharing their heart around with multiple people so that nobody gets all of it?

And another thing, if you do care about this girl, be a friend (platonic) and get her out of this "wild phase" asap. That will wreak emotional havoc on her life and everyone around her. It's not a good place to be.

 

[Forgotten Transformation]

....wow... I really need to watch more of How I Met Your Mother... aaaand the more I ask questions and get these answers.. it is becoming more and more clear, as much as I hate to say it, that she is stringing me along (albeit unintentionally... I think :sly

.... you think it would be a good idea to have her watch that ep of How I Met Your Mother?