I'm Crazy

Well, it's more complex than that.

As some of you may know, i recently got Fired for being very short with a extremely rude customer, and i then proceeded to destroy and damage many of my prized items.

I even, for a few seconds, was going to end it all with suicide.

But i called the local Mental Heath Crisis line, and they talked me down.

I've always been unbalanced since i was born. In the marching years i was Diagnosed with many things, like a Rage control disorder, Avoidant personality disorder and Self-defeating personality disorder.

In short, I hate people/society, have no self-esteem and can't let myself be happy.

Now that i'm going through a Quarter Life Crisis, i'm trying to overcome my illness's and become someone who holds value in himself.

But so far, i have not been able to make any headway. But now that iv'e started i'm not going to stop.

I just needed to lay my cards on the table.
ver9000:

Honestly.. This isn't something you should be discussing on forums like these. Try to get yourself into a full time program. See a doctor, and discuss it with your family. You will get no help from forums.

I'm not looking for help, i'm just explaining some of my quirks so people can get a better handle on the type of person i am.

MetalSymphony said:

I'm not looking for help, i'm just explaining some of my quirks so people can get a better handle on the type of person i am.

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I understand that, but you also open yourself up to the idiots who will harass you at the same time. I hope you can get some help.

MetalSymphony said:

In short, I hate people/society, have no self-esteem and can't let myself be happy.

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That's half the people I know.

Life is hard, man, and it can really drag you down if you let it, but you can't fly off into a fit of rage everytime something happens that makes you uncomfortable or discouraged. Mental disorders are no myth, but they're convenient excuses more often than they're legitimate concerns. Either way, you have to fight to keep those kinds of reactions under control or you're always going to be a victim of the world's caprices. Take some personal responsibility, show some resolve and break yourself of the mindset that posting about your mistakes on some internet forum is in any way a sign of contrition. You only have yourself to blame.

Bolt said:

That's half the people I know.

Life is hard, man, and it can really drag you down if you let it, but you can't fly off into a fit of rage everytime something happens that makes you uncomfortable or discouraged. Mental disorders are no myth, but they're convenient excuses more often than they're legitimate concerns. Either way, you have to fight to keep those kinds of reactions under control or you're always going to be a victim of the world's caprices. Take some personal responsibility, show some resolve and break yourself of the mindset that posting about your mistakes on some internet forum is in any way a sign of contrition. You only have yourself to blame.

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I know that, Bolt mah Boi.
And that is what i'm trying to do, but it's easier said than done.
But, like i said before, i'm not gonna stop until i overcome my (mental) problems.

Also, dude, are you like a Doctor or something?
You seem to dispense plenty of helpful advice. :coolshades:

IS OVER 9000!
don't an hero, if you do, at least record it and post it here.

What you posted in the Viewing Globe:

MetalSymphony said:

Oh, i am realizing the full scope of what i have wrought for sure.

And i have been in the psyche-ward before because of an outburst like this, only that time i was 10 times worse that i was yesterday and i really did try to kill myself. I was strapped down on suicide watch for about 8 days.

When provoked, i've always wanted to reply with multiplied force, but most of the time i just let it be. But if someone says the wrong word or does the wrong thing when i'm in a elevated angered state state, ill just explode and go on a rampage.

But, after the rage ends, i always become very Depressed, and thats where the suicide attempts are made. Again, unlike past incidents, i didn't actually try to this time, as i though about it, but then put the knife in my back wall.

As for what Mental Illness's i have, Alot. But the chief ones here would be my Rage Disorder and low self-esteem.

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You just described myself... when I was a kid.

Let me tell you a short story of my life as a kid. I was a bit spoiled, and I had lots of fun with everything I did, my mother and father loved me.
At first grade, a kid touched my hair, and I thought he had unbrushed it, so I grabbed my pair of scissors and threatened him with then, they were at his neck. He didn't unbrush it.
At second grade, my teacher was beginning to get on my nerves, and I liked that game were we chased each other, because most of the time I let my rage fly free while playing it. So what do I do? I make up a list of people I want to kill and the next day, TA-DA! I have a knife! At School! I got suspended before anything else happened...
And the stories go on... I was easily angered by people who said things that opposed me, and by arrogant pricks. One time I punched a FRIEND because he said Batman didn't exist.

It was at second grade that I started going to the psychiatrist. I remember she told me to draw a family, and I drew one, they were made of fire and were called ''The Family from Hell''. Let me remind you I was a kid.

Even though I only went there for like a month, the next years I spent slowly growing up and getting rid of that mental condition. I did my best to contain my rage when someone angered me, because as the years passed I ended up hurting close friends, and I had soooo many death wishes for my mother.

I won't say I'm perfectly sane today, I don't ever want to be that ignorant. But I can say that I can control my anger perfectly well, and I used to be like a saiyan about to go super when someone just said a word at the wrong moment.

So for crying out loud MS, I don't know about your physical condition, but you can get rid of that mentall illness yourself. After all, it's mental. It's your mind and you have to be strong and control it.

You can overcome it if you set your mind to it, do whatever you need to do.

Khaiden said:

So for crying out loud MS, I don't know about your physical condition, but you can get rid of that mentall illness yourself. After all, it's mental. It's your mind and you have to be strong and control it.

You can overcome it if you set your mind to it, do whatever you need to do.

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Some people can't get over things on their own. They need help.

Well I'm glad you choose to accept and live in youre negativity even though youre aware of it. Good backwards rationalizing. No offense but people with your attitude are the kind that keep doing stuff no matter how much they realize it, and continue to make things worse for others and yourself. What you dont realize is that youre setting yourself up for your own misery. Maybe youll learn one day when you're in jail.