A Rather Personal Problem (and I'm not sure if I should be posting it here)

[Black Ranger RX]

Hello HJU!!

As the title states, this is a rather personal problem and I'm not sure if this is the best place to post this..

Some of you who may be on my FaceBook may know I've been obsessed with a certain Korean girl back from college so many years ago.. Yes, I was in love with her, she looked really pretty, etc..

And this obsession is really bad for me and it's keeping me awake. Considering that I end up going to bed at 1.AM, because I've been busy with projects such as my Animation project, etc..

Now, I should really just get over her because I left college way back in 2005. I'm 27 now, I know I'm never gonna see her again and she may have gone back to Korea or.. I dunno..

But the reason why I'm obsessed with her is because.. At the time I would see her every day at the tram stop where we would wait for the tram to take us to college and sometimes I'd see her in the cafeteria. And I wanted to make friends with this girl, but what was stopping me from doing this were these silly thoughts and questions I would ask myself, like "You only want to make friends with her just because she's a pretty Asian girl, right?"

The thing is, I just didn't want to look like an idiot in front of her or get some sort of other bad reputation, but the thing is, she at the time did a completely different college course to what I did (I don't know what it was) and because of this I thought she was a stranger to me regardless if we went to the same college.

And of course, imagine if some random stanger walked over to you and asked you "Hello, will you be my friend?!!". You'd tell him to **** off. Right? Or am I wrong?

Well that was how I always thought at the time..

Now, I did have a conversation with her ONCE on the tram. She seemed that she has absolutely no problem with me. We had a descent conversation, I told her my name first, she told me hers, she even told me she was from Korea without me even asking her, and I was like "Cool!!".

But despite this, for some strange reason I was too shy to talk to her again. I really don't know why..

Overall I feel like a fucking douchebag because of this. She could've (had I been lucky) became my first girlfriend at the time..

Anyway, to get to the point, the question I would like to ask now is..


Should I have just made friends with this girl, even though she was in a different course to me? Would I have looked like an idiot or a stalker or.. whatever?

Or

Should I have just ignored her and let everything be as it is?


Please help (if you can) because this obsession is just not good for me.

If this isn't a good place to discuss this, please feel free to suggest an alternative message board.

 

[NateRiver]

It's been 6 years.You should get over it by now.

But I do think you should've taken a chance.

 

[Daikamonohashi]

At the time, yes, you should have done something. It's always a good thing to try and make new friends.

But you didn't and now it pains you. This is called regret. It's normal. I did this a lot too.

In the present time, you should stop obsessing over her and move the hell on. Six years is a long time to stew over merely not taking a chance when there are hundreds of other chances that you won't be taking if you just focus on this one failure. Now if this girl was legitimately awesome, there might not be any harm in, say, finding her on Facebook just so you can stay in contact with an awesome human being but don't have any hope for rekindling any sort of love interest going that route. That would be ever more retardedly obsessive and just not a good idea. However, I did seek out an old college crush of mine even after I had a steady girlfriend purely because I still thought she was a cool person worth keeping track of. Nothing wrong with that.

Otherwise, move on.

 

[netro32]

Besides the fact you should move on, I wouldn't have tried to "be friends" with this girl, mainly because that isnt what you want...to say you are her friend (if you were to try) is a complete lie. So in a sense, even if she didn't view as a stalker, when trying to befriend her, you're still lying to her about your true intentions which is wrong.

 

[KingRanger]

There is a word for what you were doing with this girl... Stalker. :sweat::sly:

 

[Daikamonohashi]

Based solely on what he described, I wouldn't say he's an out and out stalker. You can obsess over a crush without stalking them - that's why they're a crush: you tend to go a little crazy over them.

 

[Vitor]

Best advice I can give you: Let her be, if she wasn't the one, well there's half a zillion other women in this large, fertile koi pond we all home

You're bound to find some else "like" her, if not better and you might be better off for it

 

[Shogun_Master]

Meh, speaking from personal experiance, dude, you might want to take all this advice, sans "you are a stalker" guy, into confidence & actively try to move on or it'll bother you for the rest of your life.

Well, partial personal experiance, I actually talked to & became friends with my girl & my regret stems from never actually asking her out when I had the chance, but it's still the same deal.

 

[Pencoin]

5 Years? Yeah I definitely think there is something wrong with you. You definitely need to get over it. You might see that person again but it's unlikely and what would you do then? You would probably just crap your pants again. :thumbs:

What you should do is when that thought comes into your head is to close your eyes, take deep breath and visual the image fading away into nothingness.

If the spiritual stuff doesn't work for you then you can try the alternate method: When you have the thought, slap your face, pinch your arm or smack your leg or something like that. It might sound stupid but it does work (Or so I'm told).

With both these methods though you have to be persistent and keep at it. A 5 year obsession isn't going to go away overnight (Unless you have amnesia.)

You might find someone else (This obsession has probably been hindering you) and even if you don't you still have Kamen Rider and what ever else you interested in. :thumbs:

Edit: I just realized you joined in Feb '05 so I assume there was an overlap of HJU/Toku and you 'seeing' this girl. It's possible the very thing keeping your obsession alive is actually all this stuff. I know it sounds crazy but the human mind does associate things like this.

 

[Midori Ken]

I see a problem you had then, you still appear to have now. You're too stuck inside your own head. Some big factors in your inaction all came from inside as you built her up maybe a bit too much, and shot yourself down.

Also, the former is unfair because no woman can possibly compete with the image you put up on a pedestal. The latter will cause you to miss out on many of the great things in life because you don't think you deserve them.

What I think will help is if you find someone in person you can talk to about these things. A close friend, a trusted relative, or maybe a professional therapist. If you had shared this with someone at the time, they would have probably told you to go for it, and now at worst you'd be living with a memory of being embarrassed, instead of the regret and longing you're experiencing now.

You can only live your life forward, so just take what you've learned for the next time something like this comes up.