RETOLDZ: The Harry Potter Saga

[Keith Justice]

Fucking hilarious! :laugh:

 

[OverdrivePrime]

This is basically the Best Thing on Earth. :buttrock::laugh::buttrock:

I hope to god that I'm the last to see this, because it's a true gem that I want the entire universe to know.

My favorite quotes come from the following three chapters:

Chapter 19 - the Cribbage Match!

He holds up the Snitch and bellows, "I am a beautiful animal! I am a destroyer of worlds! I am Harry Fucking Potter!"

Chapter 23 - The Gate of ****

When Ron the Mighty has stood in front of the Gate of Heaven, he begins to denounce it! He cries, "Heaven is for those too scared of nothingness! I will go no further than my mortal flesh will carry!" :buttrock:

Chapter 28 - The Bear is God!

The whole two minute plus ramble about Harry with magical Native Americans.

But nothing happens that is not consent... of The Bear.

Chapter 28 just might be the funniest five minutes and 27 seconds that I've ever heard in my life. I could listen to that pretty much all week without ceasing my laughter.

 

[Keith Justice]

Chapter 23 - The Gate of ****

When Ron the Mighty has stood in front of the Gate of Heaven, he begins to denounce it! He cries, "Heaven is for those too scared of nothingness! I will go no further than my mortal flesh will carry!" :buttrock:

:laugh::laugh::rofl::rofl2::rofl2:

This is the best laugh I've had in a long time. :thumbs:

Another from THE BEAR IS GOD:

Every battle the Earth has witness looks like a Three Stooges scene compared to this.

:buttrock:

 

[OverdrivePrime]

I finally transcribed the awesome madness that is the conquistador passage from The Bear is God!

He sees himself dressed as a conquistador, crashing in the faces of werewolves and bigfoots with an enormous telescope. He then goes on to envision himself arriving on the coast of an undiscovered America. He mingles peacefully with the natives, and trades secrets of magic with their shamans. He makes friends; blending bloodlines of greatness. He teaches them wizard spells and they, in turn, teach him to fly across the continent at ridiculous speeds. He learns to slay deer with laser beams from his eyes and how to make all things 'round the house out of buffalo parts. Harry could live with a woman who had strong, magical, jet-black hair. She'd be enchanted and almost giant. She'd carry Harry around on her shoulder as she walked through the forest and he'd hold on to her perfect ear, smiling. They'd fly off into the clouds and spend weekends up there, dictating the North American weather patterns. He'd not worry about clothes, because he'd wear one of those strappy skirts that were popular back then in America.

But then, that world of America, of life and natural beauty; those people who were so one with the perfect ecosystem that world dissipates, carrying him back into the dark, hoary bowels of storm-ridden England, trying to save all of wizardom from his crazed Dracula ghost father.

Someday... someday I too would like to crash in the faces of werewolves and bigfoots with an enormous telescope. :thumbs: