Kamen Rider Heaven & Hell

[NateRiver]

Just adding something to my first post

He was coming home after he left the mall, he was with his friends and heaven looked like a place he liked(I think heaven is different for everyone) He was at home in his that what heaven looked like for him and God looked like a old guy he was in a suit and the Devil was next to him he also was wearing a suit and looked like a normal man

If anyone needs more explaining please tell!

I SAW AN OLD GUY IN A SUIT ONCE TOO!

 

[KamenRiderHeaven&Hell]

Huh, I guess the rules about fanfic paragraph lenghts are less strict in this forum.

Nice job.
However, you may need to use a better selection of words.
Don't be afraid of using strong verbs to hook the reader and make him/her want to keep reading.
For example, here are some changes you could make:

Yea that does sound better I might do that and the thing is I get confused where im supposed to put it at, but im pretty sure if I make a mistake you guys will tell me

And I will continue the story later im still thinking about more stuff so it might be a while

 

[KamenRiderHeaven&Hell]

Describing Peter

He's a teenager, 16, thin, short black hair, red eyes and he is caucasian

NoSoul(Monsters)

They are at least 6 foot tall more or less, they have no mouth or nose they only have eye which are all black they have, really long claws, their arms are very skinny, their chest have muscles, their legs are normal and the feet are kind of long and they claws on the feet as well

1

He is at first just white and black smoke. He can transform into anything so he really doesnt have an original form except for the smoke form

 

[KamenRiderHeaven&Hell]

Ok all that was like the prologue so I will start making Chapter: 1 soon

 

[KamenRiderHeaven&Hell]

Chapter - 1 - Start
"Henshin!"Shouted Peter, transforming into Kamen Rider Heaven & Hell. He was surrounded by six NoSouls "Transparent Blade" Said Peter and a blade appeared on his right hand. Peter started running towards the NoSouls and swung his sword upwards and landed a hit on the head of one of the NoSoul the blade bounced back. Peter swung his sword at the same NoSoul again and again slashing his chest, then Peter threw sword upwards and it vanished. Peter started punching the NoSoul and kept on punching his chest and a right kick to the face.
"I'm tired so i'm gonna end this"Said Peter.
Peter jumped and placed his right leg out and started spinning "Rider Kick"Shouted Peter and his foot hit the middle of the circle that the NoSouls made and lightning came out of the ground hitting all of the NoSouls and detroying them.
"Done and done"Said Peter

Post the rest later on

 

[KamenRiderHeaven&Hell]

After all that I started walking back home I passed my school and the park I saw all the little kids and their families and I kept thinking "I have to be good and I can't let the dark side take over or those happy faces could be hurt or worse"
I kept on walking and I got home, I got in and I saw mom and dad sleeping dad on his chair and mom next to him on the couch and I kissed both of them and told them "goodnight" I went to my room and jumped on my bed and started thinking of how I was going to deal with "1" whenever he decides to face and what if im not ready? That sinlge tought kept me up all night.
I woke the next day I got dressed and headed for school. I stopped for some reason my body just stopped moving.
I looked up and saw a light and then looked around and it seemed time stopped aorund me and then I was being lifted.
I woke up and God and the Devil were sitting next to each other, God was dressed in a white suit with a black tie and black and white dress shoes and he looked pretty young no beard or anything like that and the Devil was dressed in a red suit with a white tie and black dress shoes and in his suit the number "666" was engraved on it and he was wearing sunglasses.
"So Peter when are you going to face "1" and be done with this so I can back home?"Asked Devil "He will face "1" when he's ready ok and please don't start"Said God "So when will I be ready?"Asked Peter "Well you will need to find the five key holders, they are the "1" five top monsters and each hold a key that will be use to enter where "1" is"Said God "So where are they?"Said Peter "We don't know where they are"Said Devil "And thats something for you to find out, but we do know this, it seems that they take the form of the people close to that who opposes "1" that means they could be your closes friends and family"Said God "Really? Man! Thats just not right and I won't be able to know unless they make a move"Said Peter "Now that you know you'll have to be very careful and try to find them"Said God "I will"Said Peter "Becareful"Said Devil

Post the rest later

 

[KamenRiderHeaven&Hell]

After what God and the Devil had told me I was wondering if I should just give back my powers and not continue on fighting and protecting people I mean I knew that one being a hero, they put their loved ones in danger, but I think that something I couldn't handle and I think that give my power back would end it all, but im still not sure if I should keep on going or give them back.


I will post the rest not sure when

 

[KamenRiderHeaven&Hell]

After my talked I went home and went to my room and stayed there. I didnt want to believe that my parents were the monsters those things that God and the Devil told me and I........
I later ask God to take me to him.
"Whats the matter Peter?" Said God "Yeah" Said the Devil "Well, I thought about it and I want to give my powers back" Said Peter "Why?" Asked God "Yeah" Said the Devil "Well, I dont really want to put my family in danger and I feel awful that I wont be able to protect people anymore, but my family goes first" Said Peter "Well if thats what you want, then so be it" Said God "Couldnt handle it oh well" Said the Devil
Peter went home that day and said hi to his mom and dad when he got home and watched tv with them, ate dinner with them and before going to bed, Peter looked out his window and saw Kamen Rider Heaven & Hell and he looked to see how was the new person and it a girl, a girl he didnt know, Peter smiled and closed his window and went to bed.

The End

I thought about ending it now, becuase I personally think that it wouldnt being more different and weird if I had kept on writing and it was nice while it lasted and maybe sometime in future I may make another story and I hope that the people that read this liked if not thats Ok and one last thing go and read "Arsel:Revenge is good" thats a book I was writing, but stopped and I'll be writing the whole book there and hope that you like that and give some feedback on it if possible.