Captain Shark
Member of the Doomcock Army, w/o respect we reject
After seeing back to back terrible kaiju movies consisting of The Rise of The Beast and The Lake right after seeing the sad pathetic excuse for a Gamera series Netflix vomited out I've come to a hard conclusive truth that the kaiju genre should be let go and put out of its misery. Everything not made by Tsubaraya or Legendary sucks hair loaded balls smoothered in pimple grease. And Monster Master says my posts have pimple grease so that's saying something. I call it truth, but that's beside the point. Like, has anyone else noticed just how much of a decline the genre has been in since the Great Recession?
-Bio Planet WoO? An idea that went on for too many episodes and too much of a runtime with one in its thirteen episodes being a damn clipshow.
-Reigo? One of the worst kaiju movies ever made rivaled only by Dogora and Prophecies of Nostradamus for worst toku movie not connected to a bigger franchise (side note but damn can Kamen Rider put out some real garbage one shots).
-Raiga? A sequel that was bad on it's own and featured kaiju urination.
-Gehara? Kind of meh and was too short to be a real movie.
-Daimajin Kanon? Second worst tokusatsu of all time only after Kamen Rider Build (which still deserves that title).
-Pacific Rim? A pair of just okay movies that got overhyped for no reason. (Uprising was better, lets be honest and not support memes by Pointless Hub); thank Asylum Atlantic Rim was actually entertaining and didn't have all that mouth minutia that polluted those movies they call dialogue.
-Shin Godzilla? Worst live action movie in the entire franchise, beating out the Kiryu movies somehow.
-Netflix Godzilla? One of the worst cases of the owners trying to make something as off brand as possible (is this what Superman fans see in Man of Steel? I hope not, Man of Steel was entertaining and pretty cool, no the Zod neck snapping didn't bother me at all.).
-Netflix Ultraman? Completely devoid of the imagination of the franchise, instead it wanted to be Men in Black with Iron Man with barely much action and just low quality all around.
-Godzilla SP? Worst Godzilla anything period and third worst thing to come out of Bones after Skull Man (and insulting adaption with Shotaro Ishinomori's name slapped on to it) and Space Dandy (heterosexism mixed with bad writing and planning, like nobody cared and the Adult Swim crowd ate it up for no reason, yuck.).
-Ape vs. Monster? Asylum has done far better than this in the past, this reached Dinocroc vs. Supergator and Lake Placid vs. Anaconda levels of what was anyone on staff thinking.
-Shin Ultraman managed to be the worst proper entry in the franchise with only a 6/10. I have to give Anno credit, messing up the Ultra franchise without relying on Netflix is a herculean task. I gave up on Kamen Rider but his new movie makes me morbidly curious just how badly he might have managed it.
-Gamera Rebirth already got a rant earlier in the year.
-The Rise of The Beast? So low budget it makes Syfy movies of the 00s blush which isn't far because Syfy movies tended to be based.
-The Lake? An attempt was made but you can tell it was a short they padded out the runtime for.
-Gridman Universe? I haven't seen it, but considering Trigger being low quality and neither SSSS entries were remotely in the same ballpark as the 1993 classic you can tell this one would make covid diarrhea pleasant.
Now granted there are exceptions like Death Kappa (Anno can make kaiju movies, let alone probably the best one that isn't Ultra Galaxy Legends) and Atlantic Rim (mentioned above) and... Umm.... Hmm.... Erm.... Oh, Aquarion Logos! And Last Hope! Wait, those had Shoji Kawamori and he's pretty based. What else was there- Oh yeah, Mazinger Z Infinity! Okay okay, using Go Nagai aka the emperor of Japanese entertainment would be cheating, the guy's track record is flawless. I hope the point is getting across. Already Blazar has shown even the Ultra series can be hindered despite having the best track record of any franchise period. Godzilla Minus One looks like melodrama shenanigans rather than an actual kaiju movie. There will be a fourth Aquarion series next year, but it given how badly Satelight has been bleeding since covid there is a reason to worry they'll resort to pandering and we all know how eye rollingly obnoxious Symphogear can get (like seriously, Spec-Ops Asuka was that entire franchise done correctly, it needed a truckload more death in it). There's that other Legendary movie coming in March that'll have a bigger ape fighting Godzilla and Kong, but Guardians of The Galaxy Volume 3 tripped over itself so hard it makes you wonder if this might do the same horse manure. Like, nobody told James Gunn to cut out so much fat? And it came right after one of the best MCU movies no less.
So yeah, I have no confidence in this genre anymore. I still consider myself a toku fan, but I'm not a kaiju fan anymore. Too many bad and mediocre movies and show just kept piling on without enough good to balance it out. There have been plenty of garbage in the past like Gorath, God Whale, and Gappa, but it was never this bad.
-Bio Planet WoO? An idea that went on for too many episodes and too much of a runtime with one in its thirteen episodes being a damn clipshow.
-Reigo? One of the worst kaiju movies ever made rivaled only by Dogora and Prophecies of Nostradamus for worst toku movie not connected to a bigger franchise (side note but damn can Kamen Rider put out some real garbage one shots).
-Raiga? A sequel that was bad on it's own and featured kaiju urination.
-Gehara? Kind of meh and was too short to be a real movie.
-Daimajin Kanon? Second worst tokusatsu of all time only after Kamen Rider Build (which still deserves that title).
-Pacific Rim? A pair of just okay movies that got overhyped for no reason. (Uprising was better, lets be honest and not support memes by Pointless Hub); thank Asylum Atlantic Rim was actually entertaining and didn't have all that mouth minutia that polluted those movies they call dialogue.
-Shin Godzilla? Worst live action movie in the entire franchise, beating out the Kiryu movies somehow.
-Netflix Godzilla? One of the worst cases of the owners trying to make something as off brand as possible (is this what Superman fans see in Man of Steel? I hope not, Man of Steel was entertaining and pretty cool, no the Zod neck snapping didn't bother me at all.).
-Netflix Ultraman? Completely devoid of the imagination of the franchise, instead it wanted to be Men in Black with Iron Man with barely much action and just low quality all around.
-Godzilla SP? Worst Godzilla anything period and third worst thing to come out of Bones after Skull Man (and insulting adaption with Shotaro Ishinomori's name slapped on to it) and Space Dandy (heterosexism mixed with bad writing and planning, like nobody cared and the Adult Swim crowd ate it up for no reason, yuck.).
-Ape vs. Monster? Asylum has done far better than this in the past, this reached Dinocroc vs. Supergator and Lake Placid vs. Anaconda levels of what was anyone on staff thinking.
-Shin Ultraman managed to be the worst proper entry in the franchise with only a 6/10. I have to give Anno credit, messing up the Ultra franchise without relying on Netflix is a herculean task. I gave up on Kamen Rider but his new movie makes me morbidly curious just how badly he might have managed it.
-Gamera Rebirth already got a rant earlier in the year.
-The Rise of The Beast? So low budget it makes Syfy movies of the 00s blush which isn't far because Syfy movies tended to be based.
-The Lake? An attempt was made but you can tell it was a short they padded out the runtime for.
-Gridman Universe? I haven't seen it, but considering Trigger being low quality and neither SSSS entries were remotely in the same ballpark as the 1993 classic you can tell this one would make covid diarrhea pleasant.
Now granted there are exceptions like Death Kappa (Anno can make kaiju movies, let alone probably the best one that isn't Ultra Galaxy Legends) and Atlantic Rim (mentioned above) and... Umm.... Hmm.... Erm.... Oh, Aquarion Logos! And Last Hope! Wait, those had Shoji Kawamori and he's pretty based. What else was there- Oh yeah, Mazinger Z Infinity! Okay okay, using Go Nagai aka the emperor of Japanese entertainment would be cheating, the guy's track record is flawless. I hope the point is getting across. Already Blazar has shown even the Ultra series can be hindered despite having the best track record of any franchise period. Godzilla Minus One looks like melodrama shenanigans rather than an actual kaiju movie. There will be a fourth Aquarion series next year, but it given how badly Satelight has been bleeding since covid there is a reason to worry they'll resort to pandering and we all know how eye rollingly obnoxious Symphogear can get (like seriously, Spec-Ops Asuka was that entire franchise done correctly, it needed a truckload more death in it). There's that other Legendary movie coming in March that'll have a bigger ape fighting Godzilla and Kong, but Guardians of The Galaxy Volume 3 tripped over itself so hard it makes you wonder if this might do the same horse manure. Like, nobody told James Gunn to cut out so much fat? And it came right after one of the best MCU movies no less.
So yeah, I have no confidence in this genre anymore. I still consider myself a toku fan, but I'm not a kaiju fan anymore. Too many bad and mediocre movies and show just kept piling on without enough good to balance it out. There have been plenty of garbage in the past like Gorath, God Whale, and Gappa, but it was never this bad.
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