Finally, We May Get A Chia Pet Movie

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Tired of waiting for that Kool-Aid movie depicted in Apple TV’s The Studio to actually happen? We may have the next best thing. We’ve never heard of Rakia Media before but they’re a movie production company that just acquired the rights to make a feature film adaption based on…Chia Pets. Chia Pets came into existence sometime in the 1980s, the creation of kitsch masters Joseph Enterprises. They also came up with The Clapper, The Ove Glove and The Chimney Sweeping Log (later forced to change its name to The Creosote Sweeping Log after lawsuits pointed out the log could not actually clean your chimney). Every holiday season for the longest time, I would see ads for their weird products pop up during the local news or syndicated sitcom reruns. You knew it was almost Christmas when the TV was going “Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia” or “Clap On, Clap Off.” You don’t see the ads much anymore, but I’m told Chia Pets are still a thing, and there are variants for every licensed property under the sun. Name a popular TV show and there’s probably a Chia Pet modeled after one of its characters. Chia Pet ITSELF has never been licensed before…but I suppose […]
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[Zump]

This feels like something that would have happened ten years ago, not now. The joke already feels old before the movie exists. That worries me. Humor based on surprise wears off quickly. Once you accept that a Chia Pet movie exists, what is left? The story has to carry it. I have not seen proof that anyone involved has a clear story in mind. The focus on brand history and old ads makes it feel backward looking. Movies need to move forward, even when using old names. I am not saying it will fail, but I am not optimistic. I expect a lot of online clips, memes for a week, then silence. That seems to be the cycle lately.

 

[Harvardine]

This news feels less shocking when you look at the current movie landscape. Everything old is being reused, even things that were never stories to begin with. Chia Pets are just the latest example. What bothers me is not the idea itself, but the lack of confidence behind it. The jokes about asking a chatbot to write it make it sound like no one believes in the project. That attitude can leak into the final movie. If the creators do not take it seriously, why should viewers? I am not saying it needs to be deep. I am saying it needs intention. A simple message about care, growth, or neglect could work. Without that, it will just be noise. I will probably wait for reviews before even thinking about watching it.

 

[Pizzaking]

This just sounds dumb in the most boring way possible. Not fun dumb, not creative dumb, just empty. Chia Pets were ads, not memories. I remember the commercials, not the product. That is not enough to carry a whole movie. The joke already ends at the title. After that, what is left? Talking plants? Seeds with feelings? We have already seen that idea a hundred times, just with different skins. The quote about growing the brand makes it even worse. That tells me exactly where the focus is. This feels like something that will be announced, joked about, then quietly disappear. And if it does come out, it will be loud, short, and instantly forgotten. I am not angry, just bored already, and the movie does not even exist yet.

 

[Drake]

I actually laughed at first, then I felt annoyed. That laugh was not excitement, it was disbelief. This is not creative. It is scraping the bottom. Chia Pets were never interesting enough to hate or love. They just existed. That makes them a terrible base for a movie. You need strong characters or at least a strong idea. I see neither. The constant reminder of old commercials feels like the only thing they have. That is not storytelling. That is memory bait. I also do not like how these projects crowd out other ideas. Every time something like this gets made, something original gets ignored. People will defend it by saying “it’s harmless,” but harmless does not mean worthwhile. I already know I will never think about this again once the jokes stop.

 

[Vaccine Vaccine Vaccine]

I grew up seeing those ads all the time, so part of me feels weirdly warm about this. Not excited, just familiar. I agree that it sounds dumb, but dumb does not always mean bad. Some movies work because they accept their limits. A Chia Pet movie should be calm, slow, and a little awkward. That would match the product itself. If they turn it into fast jokes and action scenes, it will feel wrong. I also think people online will be harsher than necessary because it is easy to mock. In reality, most people will not care either way. I am open to it, but only if it feels sincere. If it feels like a long commercial, people will sense that immediately and check out.