So, who would watch this?

[Shogun_Master]

Ok, I've been seriously working on a more-or-less original idea for a tv series. So, I'll post some basic info here & if you have any comments, positive or negative, or notice any overt similarities to something else, please bring it up.

The show is currently called "Spirits" (and, yes, I got the idea when I watched power rangers jungle fury & thought about how cool it'd be if the animal spirit fights were realistic) The premise follows three characters who use special abilities from a bond withtheir animal spirit protectors to fight various evils- the master who considers himself the last true follower of the ancient ways, a female apprentice who is the main character and forced into her situation & a male apprentice who is constantly trying to appease several levels of his life at once and failing miserably.

The backstory: After the first civilization, who mastered not only technology but mysticism as well, destroyed itself a few good, honest warriors banded together, forming a worldwide order called the Makan, sending agents across the ancient world protecting people from dark beings who survived on into their time, however, when Christianity took hold, they were confused with a version of the Genesis story where Cain labelled himself Mahan & were thought to be evil, driven out of that part of the world, hunted down & killed. Several of the members could not take what was happening and broke on differant levels leading to a civil war that completely rended and destroyed their order. An asian man who goes by the title of Jyu, or great beast, is one of the few survivors who has lost everything and everyone who matters, blames himself and sees himself as the only one who can fix what he did.

The enemies: There are several enemies in this series. Season one deals mainly with a single mysterious antagonist who is Makan and seems to have some sort of shapeshifting ability. He has murdered a multi-billionaire & stolen his identity & assets to aid his cause in creating an army and taking revenge on humanity for their unjust crimes.

The main character will be the female, Merissa, who has just turned 18 and run away from an abusive life, trying to find and make a better, happier, quieter life only to stumble into a dark, uncertain, dangerous & stressful destiny that she isn't sure she can handle, yet seems to hound her no matter what she does or where she runs to.

So, sorry for the length. I've been working on the idea for about five years & I've been refining, rewriting, developing & changing things ever since, trying to get to a position where I'm confortable. I think I have season one down & am beginning to write the indevidual episodes, as well as developing seasons two and three. What do you all think about this?

 

[Shogun_Master]

In case anyone is wondering, I am taking this seriously- you are my beta test, as it were.

Please, though, post any & all opinions- just no trolling. I've also added a quick poll. If & when I finish the pilot script, I'll post that in the fanfiction section as well, just so everyone can get a handle on the characters & tone. Thanks.

 

[Bigdog]

How about you shed the destiny part, as that in my opinion is clique and overused. The one thing I loved when watching Avatar , Harry Potter and reading the Hunger Games over Star Wars proper is that all of the characters' fates were influenced by their choices or someone else's ultimately: no destiny required. When I have seen the first trilogy and look back at it now, the whole notion of a journey was so retarded and I have to say, tired beyond doubt. At least the prequels broke the notion of a predetermined destiny by showing it go completely awry on the consequences of a little boy, whom became warped by every pressure. The themes in the prequels were greater, but they were poorly executed. The original trilogy, when you watch it today, holds little ground , especially in consideration of how much of a rip off it is to Kurosawa's Hidden Fortress. I do like the original one , but really, not every story has to be like that.

Is this story in the modern day?

 

[Shogun_Master]

Yeah I guess that part wasn't clear- it takes place in the presant in a fictional suburb of Cincinnati, Ohio.

Mainly, the whole destiny subplot is influenced partly by the Sword of Truth series, where prophecy exists & the main character has a destiny, but the whole idea is tempered with free will. Ergo, such & such is meant to happen, but only if you accept it and move forward & the character is question is unable to do that.

I do see what you mean, though. I plan for the series to be highly character driven, like "The Walking Dead" or "Nikita" and using the destiny theme in that manner would be kind of killing the point.

 

[Kura]

I think you should develop a proper pitch package first before moving on past the pilot episode. The way you wrote things here was a bit confusing because by the time I even knew the main character's name, it was at the end and you lost me with all that other info. I don't think I could get into it because even the first paragraph sounds a bit.. unclear for that reason. Like I am a bit lost right now.. and maybe it's just because I'm retarded or something but I feel like I really don't understand the whole plot that well. "A master who follows ancient ways" what ancient ways? Mailing letters instead of using the telephone? It's so unclear to me. I know you're trying to give a brief description but I dunno if it's put in a way that I grasp it right now.


And anything involving religion, unless it's a made up cult, is not going to fly in TV as it's too controversial.

Have you joined a writer's guild or found an agent yet?

 

[Bigdog]

Yeah I guess that part wasn't clear- it takes place in the presant in a fictional suburb of Cincinnati, Ohio.

Mainly, the whole destiny subplot is influenced partly by the Sword of Truth series, where prophecy exists & the main character has a destiny, but the whole idea is tempered with free will. Ergo, such & such is meant to happen, but only if you accept it and move forward & the character is question is unable to do that.

I do see what you mean, though. I plan for the series to be highly character driven, like "The Walking Dead" or "Nikita" and using the destiny theme in that manner would be kind of killing the point.

If you have destiny in it, why not just make it be a negative impact?

 

[Shogun_Master]

Huh. That's actually not too bad, Bigdog...

Yeah, sorry, Kura, I'm just a bit of a disorganized thinker and I DEFINATELY agree with you there. I seem to have a difficult time explaining anything to anyone- even simple things, plus I was trying to decide what was worth putting in there & what wasn't while I was doing it & realizing things that needed to be explained partway through explaining something else.

No, no agent. I know, generally, how to get one, though, but that has to wait until I'm done with a few scripts. That I know of, once you have an agent, they get you into the guild as well as market your idea. Yeah, I know religion is a difficult topic on tv, but execs are beginning to become more leniant in desperation for good franchises, plus it's not really an attack on Christianity as it is an admonition against striking out of fear instead of logic- which the Makan do as well, leading to their destruction from within.

If it helps clarify, here's a promo for the pilot I'm planning on putting up once it's done.

Hundreds of years after the destruction of the Makan, an order of warriors who protected humanity from evils left over by the First Civilization, one of their ruined temples is discovered and raided by an American black market relic hunter funded by a mysterious, dangerous character. Meanwhile, a young girl, Merissa, escapes from an abusive home and tries to make a new life, only to befriend the disorganized, college bound nephew of the "tomb raider," Tim, and stumble into a veritable war over an idol with mysterious powers that's wanted by assassins, lizard people and a strange warrior who seems determined to take them on as apprentices to help him combat a coming evil after they are exposed to the idol's power.

 

[Kura]

Huh. That's actually not too bad, Bigdog...

Yeah, sorry, Kura, I'm just a bit of a disorganized thinker and I DEFINATELY agree with you there. I seem to have a difficult time explaining anything to anyone- even simple things, plus I was trying to decide what was worth putting in there & what wasn't while I was doing it & realizing things that needed to be explained partway through explaining something else.

No, no agent. I know, generally, how to get one, though, but that has to wait until I'm done with a few scripts. That I know of, once you have an agent, they get you into the guild as well as market your idea. Yeah, I know religion is a difficult topic on tv, but execs are beginning to become more leniant in desperation for good franchises, plus it's not really an attack on Christianity as it is an admonition against striking out of fear instead of logic- which the Makan do as well, leading to their destruction from within.

If it helps clarify, here's a promo for the pilot I'm planning on putting up once it's done.

Hundreds of years after the destruction of the Makan, an order of warriors who protected humanity from evils left over by the First Civilization, one of their ruined temples is discovered and raided by an American black market relic hunter funded by a mysterious, dangerous character. Meanwhile, a young girl, Merissa, escapes from an abusive home and tries to make a new life, only to befriend the disorganized, college bound nephew of the "tomb raider," Tim, and stumble into a veritable war over an idol with mysterious powers that's wanted by assassins, lizard people and a strange warrior who seems determined to take them on as apprentices to help him combat a coming evil after they are exposed to the idol's power.

Okay, then may be worth looking into a beta-er for your stuff.. because some of your sentences are a bit unstructured and it makes it hard for me to follow.
Like this should probably be split up better into two sentences or restructured because the way it is now is written kind of awkwardly:
"Hundreds of years after the destruction of the Makan, an order of warriors who protected humanity from evils left over by the First Civilization, one of their ruined temples is discovered and raided by an American black market relic hunter funded by a mysterious, dangerous character."

It doesn't sound bad at all or anything; but I just think if you sit down and try and plan your premise and stuff and how you want to write it properly; then it could turn into something that can be pretty amazing.

(But lizard people? I thought the first episode was supposed to clarify the whole civil war thing or establish the universe.. unless mutated people are a main point to the story? I dunno, like I said, I'm a bit confused, I'm sorry! ;__;..)

 

[Shogun_Master]

Yeah, maybe...

Hopefully, the parts that lost you will make a bit more sense when the pilot is finished- everything is explained through season one, but I don't want to give too much of the overall plot away. Don't worry, though, everything has a place & is eventually brought to light. The main thing is supposed to be that the main characters are also lost as to what is going on & we find things out as they do.

I can tell you, though that the "lizard people" are a newer addition to the story that serve as the regular minions to the main antagonist & ended up being necessary to explaining a major plot point later on. The civil war thing is not a main story arc & is only integral to one character in particular, Jyu. It will become more a part of the plot in further seasons, but it isn't right now.

 

[Phyllis2011you]

I am here to learn.Thanks for sharing.