I've been househunting for the past month with a couple of folks. It's
been a painfully slow process. We've looked at tons of places, but
each place had something that, for lack of a better word, sucked. We
were offered several places but we all agreed that we would not settle
out of desperation. So we just looked at a place in Russian Hill at
Broadway and Jones. I bid my soon to be roommates a fond farewell.
They drove off and I began walking down the hill. All of a sudden
these two Gansta Dipshits jump me in BROAD DAYLIGHT!!!!! One of
them tries to tackle me, which points out his utter lack of
understanding in the field of physics. . . I'm 6 feet tall and weigh
200 lbs. . . he was 5'9", 110lbs. What wash going through his
mind????? Maybe he wasn't trying to tackle me. Maybe he just wanted a
piggy back ride?
So I turn around to dance a jig on his jugular when I see his friend
standing there with these freaky brass knuckles with 2 inch blades
sticking out of either end of the fist. I realize both these guys are
under 18 and SOOOOO on a head full of drugs. Their eyes and noses were
all red and they are shaking nerviously.
So even though I knew I could've put of a world of hurt on these guys,
there was no way I was going to tangle with a junked up Gansta
Dipshit with a blade. Not worth it. So I give them all my cash (a
whopping $10 bill) and my ATM card. I tell them I won't give them my
wallet because it has nothing of use to them. . . just my ID, Frequent
Flyer card and Safeway Club card. I take the contents of my wallet
out to show them that nobody in their right mind would give my ass a
credit card. I had my credit report on me for the househunting. . . I
could of proved it to them. But they take everything anyway. Great. .
. . I get to go stand in line and the DMV for hours on end to get a
new ID. And what the hell are they going to do? Take advantage of my
great discounts at Safeway? You monsters!!!!! Those are my
buy-one-get-one-free yogurts!!!!
Then run off up the hill towards North Beach. This is when these guys
earned the title "Gansta Dipshit." They leave with out looking
through my Timbuktu bag, which had a digital camera, an ipod shuffle,
and other things of value. . . and they leave with out taking my cell
phone. I dial 911 and get picked up by a SF Police SUV within minutes.
We start cruising for these guys. A call comes over the radio: "We got
suspect number one!!!!"
We go freaking ripping through ChinaTown like a banshee with a bowel
problem. We pop around the corner and see one of the guys running. One
of the cops jumps out of the car, draws his gun, and takes off after
him. They freaking pile drive his ass into the sidewalk and have me ID
him. Then the second call rings out of the radio: "We got number
two!!!!"
Again, we are speeding through the streets of China Town into North
Beach where we find a group of cops with the second Gansta
Dipshit in cuffs, next to all my ID cards and whatnot. They take them
in and have me fill out forms and give my statement. 4 hours later I
left with all my cards and my $10 bill. As it turns out the guys were
both under 18 years old. If there weren't on drugs, I would say they
had balls to pull a move like that on a beastly bearded dude in broad
day light. . . but they were on drugs, so they have no balls and are,
without a doubt Gansta Dipshits. I salute you fuckers!!!!!!