A top ten from my birthday.

Top Ten Signs You Are Not One Of The Most Fascinating People Of 2006


10. You're 37, but you still answer the phone, "Hello, mommy?"

9. Only person who'll interview you is Barbara Walters' nephew, Duane Walters

8. You spend your paycheck on strippers and Slim Jim's

7. Favorite topic of conversation? Thumbtacks

6. Al Gore told you to stop drinking on and on

5. Proudest day was when you unscrambled "dgo" in the "Jumble"

4. Your catchphrase is "Can't, I'm allergic"

3. The public adores you -- "The public" being your garage full of raccoons

2. You convened the Iraq study group to determine the state of your underpants

1. You're in charge of onions at Taco Bell

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