Don’t do drugs.

But if you do do drugs, don’t try to pretend pot doesn’t make you paranoid. You know we’re on to you. And science is, too, with proof this time. This article will contain the news of that scientific advancement, interspersed with paranoid commentary based on my own personal collegiate research.

EVERYONE KNOW YOU’RE HIGH!

A research team led by Oxford Professor Daniel Freeman has shown that THC, the primary active ingredient in marijuana, makes some individuals paranoid when they are at vulnerable states.

‘The study very convincingly shows that cannabis can cause short-term paranoia in some people,” says Professor Freeman. ‘But more importantly it shines a light on the way our mind encourages paranoia. Paranoia is likely to occur when we are worried, think negatively about ourselves, and experience unsettling changes in our perceptions.’

DO YOU THINK THEY CAN”T SMELL IT! THEY’RE ALTOIDS, NOT MAGIC!

The study involved 121 participants between 21 and 50, all of whom had used marijuana before. None of the participants had a history of mental illness, but all had reported “mistrustful thinking in their day to day lives,” something that’s common in about half the population. Their mental states were monitored during the experiment with a range of tests of suspiciousness “including real-life social situations, a virtual reality simulation, self-report questionnaires and clinical interviews.”

THAT GUY AT THE GAS STATION WAS PROBABLY AN UNDERCOVER COP!

Two thirds of the participants were injected with THC, enough for about 90 minutes of effectiveness. The other third got a placebo. Half the participants who got THC got paranoid, and only 30 percent with the placebo.

OH MY GOD, WHAT WAS THAT NOISE!

The researchers also noticed an increase of other effects such as “anxiety; worry; lowered mood; negative thoughts about the self; various changes in perception such as sounds being louder than normal and colors brighter; thoughts echoing; altered perception of time, and poorer short-term memory.”

YOU’LL LOSE YOUR JOB OVER THIS!

“Paranoia is excessive thinking that other people are trying to harm us. It’s very common because in our day-to-day lives we have to weigh up whether to trust or mistrust, and when we get it wrong – that’s paranoia. Many people have a few paranoid thoughts, and a few people have many paranoid thoughts,” Freeman said.

DID YOU EVER THINK THAT MAYBE YOU’RE DEAD AND NO ONE IS TELLING YOU? MAYBE YOU”RE ALREADY DEAD!

“‘Thinking we are inferior means we feel vulnerable to harm. Just small differences in our perception can make us feel that something strange and even frightening is going on,” he said.

Freeman said the study shows that paranoia can often be festering in your mind, incidents like drug use just unlock it. The key to avoiding it, essentially, is the same thing any stock movie hippy would tell you. Be be cool man, just be cool.

“The results don’t necessarily have any implications for policing, the criminal justice system, or legislation. It tells us about the little discussed paranoid-type fears that run through the minds of so many people from time to time. The implication is that reducing time spent ruminating, being more confident in ourselves, and not catastrophizing when unusual perceptual disturbances occur will in all likelihood lessen paranoia,” Freeman said.

[Source: University of Oxford]

Image from the film 1984

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.