Click Here!I’ve received some weird things in the mail since I started reviewing DVDs over the last few years, but I’m not sure there was a face that was strange enough that could have been made when I pulled this one out. Yes, Midgets vs. Mascots is its real title. Yes, the film is absolutely, without a doubt, one of the biggest wastes of time I’ve ever experience before. No, under no circumstances should you pick this title up and say “hey, I might enjoy this.” You won’t. At all.

In this Borat-meets-Jackass shockumentary, five little people and five mascots battle for one million dollars through 30 ridiculous competitions, including how many insults it takes to get punched in a bar, who can drink a gallon of milk the fastest and who can wrestle a live alligator. Gary Coleman, leading the “Littles” as himself, is a comedic freight train (or train wreck) as he gets into actual fist fights with mascots, coaches and even NBA star Scottie Pippen. Look forward to tear-inducing laughter when drunken and belligerent mascots take on a competitive and determined group of little people.

The title alone pretty much guarantees that this won’t have a wide audience, in fact, even the audience of Jackass would probably find this one completely insulting. I was prepared for the worst going into this, but even that didn’t manage to help. Despite the cast making you think you want to laugh, the entire movie just fails to deliver any sort of decent humor. There wasn’t a single moment in which I chuckled. And as much as I love toilet humor, even the stuff presented here was too far gone for my tastes…and my tastes stretch pretty far.

I’m not sure if I should be surprised at the cast that make up this movie, or if I should have expected it. Although it’s difficult to predict cameos in any movie that isn’t a “[Blank] Movie,” this certainly feels like one of those far too often, and you begin to expect Carmen Electra to walk in at any moment. The most surprising cameos had to be the absolutely most random trio of Gary Coleman, Jason Mewes and Ron Jeremy. I was expecting to find some redemption in their involvement, but even their cult-iconic presence or humor types couldn’t lead this to even a mediocre salvation. Never mind the fact Jeremy and Mewes were in it for a few brief seconds, making them hardly even cameos for the most part.

If you have a level of curiosity for bad movies that leads you to turn nothing down, then I implore you to rethink your way of spending your free time. There is absolutely nothing that is redeemable here. I had hoped that it would be a diamond in the rough…but no matter what stupid “game” the teams participated in, none of it was worth watching. I just questioned what Gary Coleman was doing….and then stopped caring as I prayed for the credits. Under no circumstances should this be something you pop into your Netflix queue. Just Avoid this steaming pile.

Due to a computer glitch, this is actually the second time I’m writing this review. So even more reason for me to hate this film. But as is the DVD presentation doesn’t give me any reason to fawn over it either. Standard amaray DVD case, a pitiful amount of extras and two different versions, rated and unrated, are available. I’ve only got the unrated on-hand, so I don’t know the differences and since Amazon lists the run time of both as 88 minutes, I’m going to guess it was something incredibly minor. Video is what you’d expect from a modern production (clean and clear, with a modest amount of grain) and the DD5.1 mix is extreme overkill for such a front channel focused “film.”

Extras? Hardly. Included:

Deleted Scenes (15:13)
Character Featurettes (17:46)

Thankfully there’s nothing else on the disc but some trailers for some other First Look Studio titles (including the fairly good Bad Lieutenant…and some really strange looking Suicide Girls movie). As with the film itself this DVD release can be easily Avoided.

Midgets vs. Mascots is now available on rated and unrated DVD.