So here’s Michael Bay’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles trailer. Hold me.
“Crime, violence and fear have run rampant,” this trailer for an adaptation of something that used to be a light-hearted kids show about human-sized turtles eating pizza intones. You’d be forgiven for thinking I’d accidentally linked a reboot of Death Wish for the first few seconds. The trailer is a minute and 30 seconds long, but most of the Bay trademarks are on display.
Baysplosions (or at least Baydisasters).
Victoria’s Secret commercial lighting and wind machines.
Dumb jokes. OK, I liked the joke. The joke was the best part.
If the entire narration and dark tone of this thing is a joke (seriously, it opens with a gunshot) then it’s pretty funny. As stupid parody dialogue it would be great. And considering that the Turtles were originally created as a parody of grim, dark comics then it would also be very meta.
But if it’s serious, then, whoo, boy.
Anyway, here’s your antidote.