Kamen Rider Pez – Chapter 9: Three of a Kind
Over taken by rage and isolation, a young man vows to himself that he will stand in the gap and proudly bandy the flag of his fandom. He will stand against the toy reviewers, the ramblers, ranters and the inconsistent content producers. This is his story.
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The Tokusatsu fandom, full of its myriad opinions and members was a fertile ground for both good and evil. Matthew recalled the aftermath of the Tsunami, and how figureheads pleaded with forum members, blog readers and podcast listeners to Hero Up for Japan. But with that great light there was great darkness. The same people whose love for Japan and its people, caused them to open their wallets to send disaster relief funds would by the hug pillows and “novelty dolphin polishers†with 2-dimensional animated little girls on them! The fans who cheered for heroes battling the forces of darkness, by overcoming grief, sadness and all the baseness of their intact humanity were given to baseless hatred towards one another. Mocking subbing groups with whom they disagreed about translating styles was an expression of the dark spirit, rife within them. Message board posts denigrating women and emboldening misogynist impulses were replete in the so-called analyses of show’s whose protagonists defend peace and freedom for all. The disrespect for the work of the show’s creators and the content made Matthew’s blood boil.
Matthew sat at his desk scrolling through the forums of HJU. He had to keep tabs on the fandom he loved. The flawed group who was so given to things they should detest. He shook his head to clear the dark thoughts from his mind, grimacing as they rattled loose. He was biding his time, waiting for the Beacon to call on him again. Until the time came for him to crush the unjust, he figured it would be wise to patrol the forums, seeking out the Shadow of Shocker he had sensed in the Monopsyche.
“All in good time.†He assured himself as the next page loaded.
He scrolled down, revealing a comment so vile, his gut twisted as he read. He had to read the mess again to somehow make sense of the repugnant drivel.
“Who are you?†He asked the screen in disbelief.
Click.
Click.
“Ah, I found you.†He grinned.
The User was not only part of the HJU forums, he was an MMM listener.
He took a deep breath and exhaled. “Monologues. Masks and Morphers, of course!†He knew they had a lot of Rider under their belt, but the content of their frustrating show would never betray that, but to the most persistent listeners who could slog through the endless toy talk and derisive and insulting news anchoring. It was as if they sought to troll their own listeners! Matthew grabbed his phone and stood up.
“This ends now!†He closed his eyes as the refreshing chill of the Monospyche’s Gate enveloped him, invigorating his thirst for Justice with the bitterness of the cold truth that he may be the only voice speaking out for Kamen Rider.
In the lab, Matthew called up the location of Adrian Bagley, the toy obsessed, main host of MMM who could hardly edit and could never keep on topic! He glared intensely at the display, absorbing the image. He flipped a switch on the console and marched toward the open door, his heavy footsteps pounded the uneven ground.
In the garage he turned to look at Faux Rider carcass before setting off. He thought by taking its head, he may have taken the head off the snake, but he was beginning to doubt that. Was he dealing with a Hydra? From where was all this Injustice coming? Was it from the Spirit of Shocker, or was the Spirit revived because of Man?
“It matters not!†He said to the hanging wreckage, resting his hand on the Testimony.
He turned and reached for the Charge Slug.
“PURSUE!†the Gavel cried as tires screeched under his fervent insistence.
Matthew arrived at a quiet storefront in a strip mall.
The Gavel seemed to fly, fuelled by rage, and there was plenty of sunlight. He could take his time with the unholy trio of MMM.
“Mmm, good.†He smiled to himself as he stepped off of the Gavel.
He walked over to a hobby shop with darkened windows. The signage seemed in disrepair and the decals obscured the inside almost completely, he peered in, but still couldn’t see anything. Matthew put his ear to the glass and heard a familiar voice. He turned quickly and walked back to the Gavel. Approaching full speed, he jumped the bike through the glass tearing away the tinting and shattering it.
He pulled the Slug from Gavel and slotted back into its holster. The hobby shop was filled with the owner’s collection; a dizzying mass of plastic, Matthew could scarcely comprehend. Adrian was busy at his computer talking to someone about placing an order for more toys. He hardly noticed what had happened and was too engrossed in his task for it to register.
Matthew walked over to Adrian and shook his head in disgust. “How pathetic!â€
Adrian smirked, stroked a few keys and turned to Matthew and said “BAM! Henchmen!
Through the front door, came a stream of eye-masked men with headphones dangling from their ears and around their necks. Motley as they were, the bunch came at Matthew. The first two he met with fists and feet. He grabbed another two by the cords around their necks and banged their heads together, pushing their unconscious bodies towards another, advancing with a plastic sword. Taken aback, Matthew paused long enough to get whacked with a wooden sword and punched from the side. He rolled past the Grunt with the plastic knife, grabbing the sword from him as he sprung up. He dispatched him and threw the knife down. Matthew cut through the air with knife straight hands, he uncrossed his arms clenching his fists, he dropped the left as the right swung down from right to left and snapped to the side of his belt to match with the other.
“Henshin!â€
Penalize tore through the remaining grunts effortlessly, then shifted his attention to Adrian. He reached back and grabbed the first Wolf Slug, he held it up to Adrian and declared,
“You are charged with Slander against all of Kamen Rider and Neglect for focusing on mostly anything but Kamen Rider, as well as another count of Neglect for being more focused on the toys than the actual shows with which they correspond!â€
He slotted the Slug
“PURSUE!
“We will sniff out the truth.†The Testimony howled and the crescent icon flashed as the antennae folded and flattened. The icon’s pulsing obscured the Crusher and elliptical vents on the sides of the helmet as they took a lupine shape. Finally the center stripe extended green on his chest, as the flashing of the light subsided, revealing the altered helm with wolf like ears and stubbed snout.
“Uhh, yeah. In your bra!†someone lobbed an insult from beside the door behind the counter.
“That’s Sithachu!†Adrian gleefully sang out his cohost’s handle.
“Or in your butt.†Another form the other door jamb.
Adrian snag again. “And here’s DopeRanger!â€
“Damn it, FateMonomi, how many times do I have to tell you, ‘Screw the pooch’ is just a phrase? But at least it’s a ***** this time.†DopeRanger added.
“No matter how many of you there are, I will defeat you!†he stepped forward into a pose with arms reaching out and arching together to suggest the crescent of the moon burning through the darkness of night. “I Penalize, I am Justice!â€
“M’kay.†Adrian said dumbfounded
“Are you gonna stand there all day?†DopeRanger asked mockingly.
Sithachu reached into his pocket. Penalize readied himself to counter the coming attack, taking a defensive stance. But he just pulled out his phone to play with it as he ignored Penalize.
Penalize froze for a moment, Matthew’s mind was racing. What was he supposed to do? These agents of evil stood before him as if he wasn’t there. He wondered, what Kotaro would do. He winced under his mask as he strained to think of Black ever encountering a mutant that wouldn’t fight him. Nothing! There was the friendly whale, but nothing else. His mind flashed to ZX so he leapt over the display counter and advanced.
“Fight me!â€
“But I’m placing an order… hold on!†FateMonomi chided him.
“You won’t be around to receive it anyway!†Penalize pounded the display, shattering the glass.
The three snapped their attention to him, they looked pale. Then he had an idea. Penalize reached into the case and grabbed a fistful of Figuarts. He mechanically craned his fist towards them and squeezed. As multi-jointed plastic bodies snapped and popped, their mouths hung open. FateMonomi let out a feral cry. Penalize laughed and went two-fisted into the display and cast the scrapped PVC at their feet. He stopped himself from grabbing the six Gokaiger and turned his attention to the now ashen faced MMM crew.
“Get him!†FateMonomi yelled.
With cacophonous fury, the myriad toys that lined shelves and display cases animated; the swarm shattered through their cases and covered Penalize. The din of clicks and clacks deafened him. The one sixth scale army jabbed, poked and prodded everywhere. They pulled at his armor and began attacking the Testimony. He had to act, unsure of what would happen if it were to be tampered with mid-henshin. Penalize began brushing them off, but that wasn’t enough, they were simply shifted and regrouped. Next he grabbed at them and tried to pull them off, but others would just fill in the freshly made gap in the onslaught.
The MMM crew laughed as Penalize twisted and writhed under the attack of the toys he had maligned. His failed attempts at stopping the horde gave them time to get over the humor of the situation and arm themselves. They hastened as Penalize shifted strategy again and began punching pounding and slapping himself. The toys crunched and cracked, their parts clattering on the tile as they rained down signaling the end was near for them.
Penalize used his Wolf Mode to scent tag all the toys and reached back to grab the last two. He spun around to show the three that he had bested them, but they weren’t there. He looked around and crushed the plastic in his hand. It was quiet, but his hearing was superior to a normal human’s and through the wall that divided the front of the store from the merchandise area, he heard snickering. He growled and threw the door open to see the three standing there with Rider Belts on. They appeared to be modified versions of the W-Driver
The three said in unison, “We are a three-in-one Kamen Rider!†One by one, they plugged something in to their Drivers
“YOU!â€
“REALLY!â€
“SUCK!â€
“HENSHIN!†they yelled.
DopeRanger and Sithachu fell unconscious and FateMonomi shone brightly as he transformed. Penalize turned aside shielding his eyes, when he turned back he paused, unsure of what was in front of him.
“You’re no Kamen Rider!†Penalize scoffed.
The three heads twisted and jerked on their serpentine necks as smoke streamed from their nostrils and wings beat. They had merged into a sliver three-headed dragon whose heads touched the ceiling when fully extended.
“You may call us Legion, for we are many!†Sithachu chuckled.
“But there are only three of us, so were just a few.†DopeRanger bobbed his head over, jabbing at Sithachu’s neck.
“Wait, I got it!†FateMonomi separated the two and whispered to them
The three heads jostled and posed, “We are Shu-Do-Je!â€
Penalize hit the crescent icon on the Testimony. “EXPLORE!†It called.
They placed their heads in a triangle and one by one let out a screech. They continued and began to move their heads, the ceiling over Penalize began to crack. They lowered their heads maintaining the position relative to each other. He stepped back into the convergence of their cries and was blasted with a wave that boiled and baked through his armor. He spun away from the burning, and dove through the door. He slammed the door and rolled over the counter.
A pause.
The singing started again and the wall disintegrated. Shu-Do-Je stepped through the smoldering hole and blasted Penalize again.
Penalize slotted the Wolf Evidence Slug and pressed the second button.
“WAILER!†cried the Testimony, releasing the top half. He extended the side and prepared himself for another attack. When the tri-headed Dragon unleashed again, he took part of the hit, holding the Wailer in the focal point of the blast.
Pause.
Penalize reeled from the blast, falling to a knee. He gasped for air and strained to pull himself together. He looked up at Shu-Do-Je who was breathing heavily as well, he tried to stand, but fell over. Shu-Do-Je move to crush him with massive talons and hundreds of pounds. Penalize raised the Wailer and fired a spray of sonic blasts; two tore through a wing, eliciting a cry from the silver beast.
Shu-Do-Je destroyed the ceiling and spread his wings, saying “Sayonara, sucker!†as his powerful wings created a debris-filled whirlwind that obscured Penalize’s vision.
Penalize fired wildly into the air and clipped the other wing, taking Shu-Do-Je off course; he had to readjust his bearings to keep fleeing. As it struggled to compensate, the three began to argue; each wanting to pull a different direction to avoid getting hit again. The result was that they managed to stay in place above Penalize, who fired more deliberately as they made an easy mark for him. He still couldn’t see them, but he could smell the wounds he had inflicted. He fired five well placed shots tearing through thin leathery flesh until the dragon could no longer maintain lift.
Penalize side-stepped Shu-Do-Je as he fell, slotting the Wolf Verdict Slug.
The Testimony flashed and called “ZERO!â€
Shu-Do-Je attempted another audio assault but couldn’t make a sound.
“SENTENCING!â€
“You are a spiteful beast! Guilty of Slander, Neglect and Avarice! Your obsession with toys has led you down a very dark path, and now you will have to pay for your crimes!â€
Shu-Do-Je tried to get up, but slammed to the floor as chains shot through the floor, wrapping around the three serpentine necks.
“EXECUTION!â€
Penalize pressed the center button on the Wailer’s barrel and held the trigger. The blast built up and he yelled, “BANE BLAST!†The Wailer’s howling blast stripped away silver, when the note ended the chains and dragon were gone, leaving Adrian on the chipped tile.
Penalize picked him up and dragged him to the back room and set him on a cot there. He dehenshined and headed out, pausing to see the devastation in the store, then he noticed the Gokaiger were still in their display case. He wondered why and reached in to examine them. They seemed just like the others, but he had an odd feeling about them, so he grabbed one of the store’s plastic bags and collected the Pirate crew. Adrian’s Triple-Driver was laying on the floor too, so Matthew picked it up, mounted the Gavel and rode out of the store.