HJU's 2nd Annual New Years SPAM-A-THON Thread!
- Thread starter Judge Faiz
- Start date
- Status
Like a passing wind...
- Joined
- Nov 22, 2006
- Messages
- 2,970
Can you laugh at this?
Man:My roast beef is being stolen!
Man:My roast beef is being stolen!
I don't have low self esteem.
- Joined
- Feb 15, 2005
- Messages
- 7,739
Member
- Joined
- Apr 19, 2006
- Messages
- 386
BUTTTTTTTTROCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock:
:buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock:
:buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock:
:buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock:
:buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock:
:buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock:
:buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock:
:buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock:
:buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock:
:buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock: :buttrock:
Great Sage-Equal of Heaven
- Joined
- May 15, 2005
- Messages
- 1,556
Behold, ye all, a christmas epic from R5
An attempt at keeping the yuletide spirit alive...for once...
Guy: "The attack of the mutated christmas tree of DOOOOOOOM! (Sudden shift to Happy go Lucky Salesman) OR How I learned to stop gagging and..."
Girl: (Seductively, think Dr. Strangelove teaser) ..Looooove egg nog (giggle)
(MUSIC: Ma cherie - Malice Mizer)
Twas christmas eve
at Kimiden's place
And from top to bottom
the place was filled with holiday grace.
Dad was in the den
Playing CoH
Whilest I was on the comp
Downloading Kamen Rider Ep 48
And all whilest the rest of us were doing our thing
Mom was in the kitchen
Experimenting.
(MUSIC: Theme from Master of the Flying Gulliotine)
For too long
she had always been bogged
infuriated by the horrible variations of Egg Nog
Soy and Rum, Vodka too
She felt that she had to be the one
to say they were through.
She went on instinct
and threw random things in
I lost count after ingredient 43.
I had a bed feeling
about the whole thing
so I left before it could be finished.
Dinnertime rolled around
Dad and I sat at the TV
Chowing down on a feast
But then mom came out
carrying out
her newly created delicacy.
"Come round" she said
"Take as much as you like"
"Drink up and let me know what you think".
I was hesitant so I kindly declined
Dad however,
wished to be nice
so he had himself a sip
His face turned all of
white and red
before he could take any more.
I saw this and hesitantly took a drink
but just before I could try to think
and figure out what was wrong
I felt a presence of great evil in my heart
As if I was being pulled down
to the fires of Hell itself!
Demon: MUWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Mike: Oh my god....DREW BARRYMORE IS THE FACE OF EVIL!
It was then I knew what was wrong with this
I spat it out and slammed the cup down
and said "What have you done?"
"You've tampered with the diving recipe of Nog"
"Which is just unspeakable and wrong!"
"We must destroy this concoction now
before it does any more damage!"
But in my spitting
thinking i aimed for the cup,
I looked over onto the floor
and realized I messed up.
The nog had sprayed onto the tree.
(MUSIC "Verdi Requiem)
It started glowing blue and red
Violet and then Red again
Dad and I rushed to get all the decorations off
before the tree decided to burst into flame.
We all sighed a breath of relief
thinking the worst was over.
but just then the tree jumped.
A small jump though
Nothing to fear
But it still scared the lot of us.
It jumped again. over the presents,
it was now in the middle of the living room
Slowly the tree turned to face us......
A chill ran up my mother's spine.
As did Dad's and same with mine...
and then...
(SFX: Roar)
It let out a mighty roar
and crashed out through our front door.
Mom had fainted and Dad ran out,
trying to stop the monster.
I ran with him
Carrying a broom
However he was faster than us
and just simply disappeared from sight.
We came back home
entering through the gaping hole
which was once our front door
Dad had placed my unconscious mom
in her chair by the TV, in pieces on the floor.
However, just as we turned to try and watch SG1 on Sci Fi,
A new alert caught our eye.
The tree had begun running amuck across the neighborhood
since our last encounter.
It had increased in size and it was still growing
all because of...um....um....
....alot of fiber in it's diet?
Anyways the damage went nonstop
and it kept growing and growing
to a point where we almost mistook it
for that giant tree
at the end of that "Castle in the Sky" movie.
And now we cue the montage
(MUSIC: Godzilla March)
(SFX: Explosions, screams)
By 7 PM, the tree had made it to downtown
All of the kids were starting to frown
as the prospect of waking up to a safe christmas morn'
Seemed like it wasn't going to "occor"
Tamtu: Occor? What the hell?
Mike: Thanks alot for interrupting the flow, Tamtu. I was short on rhyming words so I got creative, alright? Back off!
It's branch tentacles were swinging around,
Knocking building after building down.
(SFX: Screaming and Explosions)
The Grand, USBank, MATC
All of them fell to the tree's might and fury!
(SFX: Squad cars)
Police Officer: All right men! FIRE!
(SFX: Firing guns)
Police and SWAT tried to shoot it down
with all that they had
but of course that didn't work.
The police chief then gulped and said
Police Chief: This is gonna be bad....
But you would have figured that out already
after hearing the grenades didn't make a dent.
Just then the star on the top of the tree
started to glow bright for all to see
Crowd: (in awe) Oooooh...
However,
instead of radiating holiday glee
it fired a concentrated laser beam!
(SFX: Screams, laser)
Which burned through the futile defenses
of the SWAT teams down below.
(SFX Explosions)
Everything seemed hopeless
All felt lost
I was wondering when Japan would stop holding out
and let us use their giant robots.
I couldn't take this anymore,
watching from the side.
Everyone had failed. Now it was my time.
And what a time too as I had just heard
Good Ol' George W' on the TV
Talking about his final solution
to stop the horrible tree.
George Bush: "My fellow citizens, some terrible news, the alert has gone to red. Terrorist are attacking Milwaukee, WI and I know you want them dead. So I've called in an air strike and they're already on their way, to save them all from the terrorist's evil paganistic ways. They'll arrive in town in and hour or so, maybe less. You can now all rest easy, thank you all and god bless."
Now I knew I had to stop them.
There wasn't even a notice of evacuation!
He was going to risk my town
to destroy the mutated abomination!
I wouldn't allow it!
I wouldn't allow it!
I said to myself in anger
I'd save this town and squash their fears!
I'll destroy the tree before they get here!
(Music: Theme from Lupin the Third 78 (2002 version)/ '79)
At 7:45 I had gotten downtown,
driving my mom's Mercury Le Sabre around.
With enough arsenal in the trunk
That would make redneck hunters blush.
One AK, a 9mm, 47 grenades
5 cans of Lysol and a Firestarter
(which combine for a great makeshift flame thrower)
Some ninja stars, a boomerang, a can of Raid
And a makeshift rocket launcher.
I manage to cram all of this in a backpack
and I realized I needed a good shot.
So I pulled some Metal Gear stealth action
and got to the rooftop
of the Milwaukee Hilton,
where I got into position
I was ready to attack
but then Paris showed up
and-started-hitting-on-me-an-then-one-thing-led-to-another-and-um-ahem...
Tamtu: Okay.,..no..
Mike: What?
Tamtu: You WISH you had that happen to you...
Mike: I'm serious!
Tamtu: If that's the case, you could do so much better than her....seriously...
Mike: ...Jealous...
5 minutes and 15 seconds later
(I had to have a quickie for the sake of the city)
I pranced back to the rooftop and reassembled again.
But just when I thought I had the element of surprise,
'the tree turned around and saw me
Mike: Oh ****...
And now ladies and gentlemen....The Pillows...
(SFX: Tree swinging around)
(MUSIC: "Advice" - The Pillows)
I dodged every swing,
ducking out of reach
Reaching into my backpack,
Trying to get some bleach
(Yes I had some bleach as well too)
Tamtu: You're just making stuff up for sake of rhyme scheme, aren't you?
Mike: Um....
I dug into the backpack and pulled out the grenades
(SFX: Pin)
Mike: Take this you mutated freak!
(SFX: Throws, minor explosion)
Mike: ****! No effect!
Then I reached for my AK
(SFX: AK-47 Firing)
The 9 mm, the flame thrower..
all had no effect on the dude
Finally, it came to my mind
that I might be pretty screwed
Mike: Huh....Christmas lights? (Scream of pain)
Then I got shocked by christmas light chords.
(SFX: Falls to the ground)
(MUSIC: Air from Orchestral Suite No. 3 in D Major)
My entire life flashed before my eyes,
friends, family
all my psycho girlfriends
And christmases come and gone
However I refused to die
I mustered the strength to get back up,
while slightly on the char broiled side.
I grabbed the make shift rocket launcher and aimed it at the tree,
which at the moment
had become stationary.
I aimed it high and right
Right at the shining star on top
which should have shine golden on this night.
Letting out a mighty cry
Mike: KURISUMASU....BANZAAAAAI
I pulled the trigger and let fly.
(SFX: Rocket launcher, explosion, monster screams of pain)
The rocket had a direct hit,
The star now ablaze,
The monster started flailing about,
screaming in a heap of rage.
The flames started to spread around
Its once seemingly invincible form
Until all the fake aluminum frame
Had melted it down
making it no more.
(SFX: Crowd cheering)
The crowd cheered that christmas eve
At the slaying of the beast.
I was also quite relieved to say the least.
Paris showed up once more
to nurse my wounds and clean me u-
Tamtu: Mike!
Mike: Sheesh! alright you jealous bastard I'll leave her out.
I stumbled to the first floor
With no crowds awaiting me
Instead all the credits had gone to the city SWAT team.
Mike: UNGRATEFUL BASTARDS! Ow...
With the air raid called off
Dad had come to take me home
But not before taking me to the doctors.
Got home at around 9:15
Mom nearly tackle hugged me
to apologize for everything
She had learned the folly of her ways
and vowed to never experiment with egg nog again.
I just said "meh" and collapsed into bed
Looking back at our living room
Very quickly repaired.
Christmas morning came and went
I got quite a haul
Everybody else had a ball
Whatever was of the mutated tree
were taken away for scientific study
....some sort of mass prod biological weapon. Chances are they won't get it to work. Anybody who has seen sci-fi movies KNOWS this for sure. Well anyways...
The moral of this holiday epic
is really quite plain and simple
To tamper with the formula for egg nog
is pretty much like playing god
It comes back to haunt you sooner or later.
(MUSIC: Take Me Higher ~M78 Future Remix~)
Now if i may be excused to enjoy myself
I wish you all a Merry christmas and a farewell....
..for now...MUWHAHAHAHAHA!
---
Tamtu: Mike...that by far..has had to have been the biggest time waster EVER
Mike: I don't see you telling a Christmas Epic.
Tamtu: Um, go to the boards..There's LITTLE thing called Merry Christmas Tamtu-
Mike: Oh shut it! And come to think of it, why are you here right now anyways?
(SILENCE)
Tamtu: Wanna go see The Life Aquatic?
Mike: Sure!
An attempt at keeping the yuletide spirit alive...for once...
Guy: "The attack of the mutated christmas tree of DOOOOOOOM! (Sudden shift to Happy go Lucky Salesman) OR How I learned to stop gagging and..."
Girl: (Seductively, think Dr. Strangelove teaser) ..Looooove egg nog (giggle)
(MUSIC: Ma cherie - Malice Mizer)
Twas christmas eve
at Kimiden's place
And from top to bottom
the place was filled with holiday grace.
Dad was in the den
Playing CoH
Whilest I was on the comp
Downloading Kamen Rider Ep 48
And all whilest the rest of us were doing our thing
Mom was in the kitchen
Experimenting.
(MUSIC: Theme from Master of the Flying Gulliotine)
For too long
she had always been bogged
infuriated by the horrible variations of Egg Nog
Soy and Rum, Vodka too
She felt that she had to be the one
to say they were through.
She went on instinct
and threw random things in
I lost count after ingredient 43.
I had a bed feeling
about the whole thing
so I left before it could be finished.
Dinnertime rolled around
Dad and I sat at the TV
Chowing down on a feast
But then mom came out
carrying out
her newly created delicacy.
"Come round" she said
"Take as much as you like"
"Drink up and let me know what you think".
I was hesitant so I kindly declined
Dad however,
wished to be nice
so he had himself a sip
His face turned all of
white and red
before he could take any more.
I saw this and hesitantly took a drink
but just before I could try to think
and figure out what was wrong
I felt a presence of great evil in my heart
As if I was being pulled down
to the fires of Hell itself!
Demon: MUWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Mike: Oh my god....DREW BARRYMORE IS THE FACE OF EVIL!
It was then I knew what was wrong with this
I spat it out and slammed the cup down
and said "What have you done?"
"You've tampered with the diving recipe of Nog"
"Which is just unspeakable and wrong!"
"We must destroy this concoction now
before it does any more damage!"
But in my spitting
thinking i aimed for the cup,
I looked over onto the floor
and realized I messed up.
The nog had sprayed onto the tree.
(MUSIC "Verdi Requiem)
It started glowing blue and red
Violet and then Red again
Dad and I rushed to get all the decorations off
before the tree decided to burst into flame.
We all sighed a breath of relief
thinking the worst was over.
but just then the tree jumped.
A small jump though
Nothing to fear
But it still scared the lot of us.
It jumped again. over the presents,
it was now in the middle of the living room
Slowly the tree turned to face us......
A chill ran up my mother's spine.
As did Dad's and same with mine...
and then...
(SFX: Roar)
It let out a mighty roar
and crashed out through our front door.
Mom had fainted and Dad ran out,
trying to stop the monster.
I ran with him
Carrying a broom
However he was faster than us
and just simply disappeared from sight.
We came back home
entering through the gaping hole
which was once our front door
Dad had placed my unconscious mom
in her chair by the TV, in pieces on the floor.
However, just as we turned to try and watch SG1 on Sci Fi,
A new alert caught our eye.
The tree had begun running amuck across the neighborhood
since our last encounter.
It had increased in size and it was still growing
all because of...um....um....
....alot of fiber in it's diet?
Anyways the damage went nonstop
and it kept growing and growing
to a point where we almost mistook it
for that giant tree
at the end of that "Castle in the Sky" movie.
And now we cue the montage
(MUSIC: Godzilla March)
(SFX: Explosions, screams)
By 7 PM, the tree had made it to downtown
All of the kids were starting to frown
as the prospect of waking up to a safe christmas morn'
Seemed like it wasn't going to "occor"
Tamtu: Occor? What the hell?
Mike: Thanks alot for interrupting the flow, Tamtu. I was short on rhyming words so I got creative, alright? Back off!
It's branch tentacles were swinging around,
Knocking building after building down.
(SFX: Screaming and Explosions)
The Grand, USBank, MATC
All of them fell to the tree's might and fury!
(SFX: Squad cars)
Police Officer: All right men! FIRE!
(SFX: Firing guns)
Police and SWAT tried to shoot it down
with all that they had
but of course that didn't work.
The police chief then gulped and said
Police Chief: This is gonna be bad....
But you would have figured that out already
after hearing the grenades didn't make a dent.
Just then the star on the top of the tree
started to glow bright for all to see
Crowd: (in awe) Oooooh...
However,
instead of radiating holiday glee
it fired a concentrated laser beam!
(SFX: Screams, laser)
Which burned through the futile defenses
of the SWAT teams down below.
(SFX Explosions)
Everything seemed hopeless
All felt lost
I was wondering when Japan would stop holding out
and let us use their giant robots.
I couldn't take this anymore,
watching from the side.
Everyone had failed. Now it was my time.
And what a time too as I had just heard
Good Ol' George W' on the TV
Talking about his final solution
to stop the horrible tree.
George Bush: "My fellow citizens, some terrible news, the alert has gone to red. Terrorist are attacking Milwaukee, WI and I know you want them dead. So I've called in an air strike and they're already on their way, to save them all from the terrorist's evil paganistic ways. They'll arrive in town in and hour or so, maybe less. You can now all rest easy, thank you all and god bless."
Now I knew I had to stop them.
There wasn't even a notice of evacuation!
He was going to risk my town
to destroy the mutated abomination!
I wouldn't allow it!
I wouldn't allow it!
I said to myself in anger
I'd save this town and squash their fears!
I'll destroy the tree before they get here!
(Music: Theme from Lupin the Third 78 (2002 version)/ '79)
At 7:45 I had gotten downtown,
driving my mom's Mercury Le Sabre around.
With enough arsenal in the trunk
That would make redneck hunters blush.
One AK, a 9mm, 47 grenades
5 cans of Lysol and a Firestarter
(which combine for a great makeshift flame thrower)
Some ninja stars, a boomerang, a can of Raid
And a makeshift rocket launcher.
I manage to cram all of this in a backpack
and I realized I needed a good shot.
So I pulled some Metal Gear stealth action
and got to the rooftop
of the Milwaukee Hilton,
where I got into position
I was ready to attack
but then Paris showed up
and-started-hitting-on-me-an-then-one-thing-led-to-another-and-um-ahem...
Tamtu: Okay.,..no..
Mike: What?
Tamtu: You WISH you had that happen to you...
Mike: I'm serious!
Tamtu: If that's the case, you could do so much better than her....seriously...
Mike: ...Jealous...
5 minutes and 15 seconds later
(I had to have a quickie for the sake of the city)
I pranced back to the rooftop and reassembled again.
But just when I thought I had the element of surprise,
'the tree turned around and saw me
Mike: Oh ****...
And now ladies and gentlemen....The Pillows...
(SFX: Tree swinging around)
(MUSIC: "Advice" - The Pillows)
I dodged every swing,
ducking out of reach
Reaching into my backpack,
Trying to get some bleach
(Yes I had some bleach as well too)
Tamtu: You're just making stuff up for sake of rhyme scheme, aren't you?
Mike: Um....
I dug into the backpack and pulled out the grenades
(SFX: Pin)
Mike: Take this you mutated freak!
(SFX: Throws, minor explosion)
Mike: ****! No effect!
Then I reached for my AK
(SFX: AK-47 Firing)
The 9 mm, the flame thrower..
all had no effect on the dude
Finally, it came to my mind
that I might be pretty screwed
Mike: Huh....Christmas lights? (Scream of pain)
Then I got shocked by christmas light chords.
(SFX: Falls to the ground)
(MUSIC: Air from Orchestral Suite No. 3 in D Major)
My entire life flashed before my eyes,
friends, family
all my psycho girlfriends
And christmases come and gone
However I refused to die
I mustered the strength to get back up,
while slightly on the char broiled side.
I grabbed the make shift rocket launcher and aimed it at the tree,
which at the moment
had become stationary.
I aimed it high and right
Right at the shining star on top
which should have shine golden on this night.
Letting out a mighty cry
Mike: KURISUMASU....BANZAAAAAI
I pulled the trigger and let fly.
(SFX: Rocket launcher, explosion, monster screams of pain)
The rocket had a direct hit,
The star now ablaze,
The monster started flailing about,
screaming in a heap of rage.
The flames started to spread around
Its once seemingly invincible form
Until all the fake aluminum frame
Had melted it down
making it no more.
(SFX: Crowd cheering)
The crowd cheered that christmas eve
At the slaying of the beast.
I was also quite relieved to say the least.
Paris showed up once more
to nurse my wounds and clean me u-
Tamtu: Mike!
Mike: Sheesh! alright you jealous bastard I'll leave her out.
I stumbled to the first floor
With no crowds awaiting me
Instead all the credits had gone to the city SWAT team.
Mike: UNGRATEFUL BASTARDS! Ow...
With the air raid called off
Dad had come to take me home
But not before taking me to the doctors.
Got home at around 9:15
Mom nearly tackle hugged me
to apologize for everything
She had learned the folly of her ways
and vowed to never experiment with egg nog again.
I just said "meh" and collapsed into bed
Looking back at our living room
Very quickly repaired.
Christmas morning came and went
I got quite a haul
Everybody else had a ball
Whatever was of the mutated tree
were taken away for scientific study
....some sort of mass prod biological weapon. Chances are they won't get it to work. Anybody who has seen sci-fi movies KNOWS this for sure. Well anyways...
The moral of this holiday epic
is really quite plain and simple
To tamper with the formula for egg nog
is pretty much like playing god
It comes back to haunt you sooner or later.
(MUSIC: Take Me Higher ~M78 Future Remix~)
Now if i may be excused to enjoy myself
I wish you all a Merry christmas and a farewell....
..for now...MUWHAHAHAHAHA!
---
Tamtu: Mike...that by far..has had to have been the biggest time waster EVER
Mike: I don't see you telling a Christmas Epic.
Tamtu: Um, go to the boards..There's LITTLE thing called Merry Christmas Tamtu-
Mike: Oh shut it! And come to think of it, why are you here right now anyways?
(SILENCE)
Tamtu: Wanna go see The Life Aquatic?
Mike: Sure!
I don't have low self esteem.
- Joined
- Feb 15, 2005
- Messages
- 7,739
1234567890qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm-=[];'#,./_+{}
~<>?!"£$%^&*()QWERTYUIOPASDFGHJKLZXCVBNM
~<>?!"£$%^&*()QWERTYUIOPASDFGHJKLZXCVBNM
I don't have low self esteem.
- Joined
- Feb 15, 2005
- Messages
- 7,739
IT'S OVER NINETHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUSAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!!!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUSAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!!!
- Status
