There are basically two Nintendos: Cool Nintendo, the kind that gives you Xenoblade Chronicles and crosses company boundaries to get Banjo and Kazooie into Smash….and Weird Nintendo, the kind that enthusiastically hands you wacky inventions from their basement, and you have no idea what they’re supposed to do but you just feign a smile and hope to pawn it off somewhere.

Weird Nintendo is nothing new — their existence stretches back to the knitting peripheral they considered for the NES — but ever since 2006, they’ve focused their gizmos on a specific market….your grandma, your sheltered aunt, soccer moms who hate video games, basically people who are the polar opposite of you. That’s why, whenever the company produces a weighing scale or cardboard binoculars, it’s hard for us to gauge exactly how that product will perform, because it’s not the kind of thing GAMERS are into.

Nintendo has produced so many weird products at this point, it would be pretty easy to put together a parody that copies their current advertising strategy — a bunch of smiling people around the world enjoying their latest product, but that product would be so obtuse we would have no idea what it was doing. …Turns out we waited too long to make that parody, because Nintendo just made it themselves.

Nintendo says they’ll explain what this is in about a week, and until then, the suspense will just KILL us. We’re told this is likely a spin on a common exercising device called a pilates ring, but not being the pilates type, we would never know.

Look for….this thing on Target shelves this holiday season, and on thrift store shelves five years after that.

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